commit a suicide isn’t the best answer to finish the problem. there are so many people having a rough problem. it’s more complicated and some of them survive. they face their problem and they have a faith that there’s a way to solve their problem.
being a lesbian in a Moslem family, skip 3 semesters of study, cannot pay the rent of boarding room, a burlesque of friends, got fired from the job, being a burden for girlfriend cause doesn’t have money to eat, and parents don’t have any idea about those problems.
and still, people out there have a huge problem more than above, and they survive.
commit a suicide won’t solve your problem, it would only make another problem for people around you. your parents would be ashamed cause their daughter that looks fine and have no problem suddenly died, your beloved girlfriend would be stress and sad because you are gone, your friends would be bothered cause they have to be a witness for the police about what was happening in one of their room cause there is so much blood on their bed sheet and there I am laying down with no soul.
commit a suicide,
it took a few months to the neighbor hood forgets about the incident, it took a few weeks until the police convinced that it’s genuine a suicide, it took some years until someone finds and helps my girlfriend put her shit done and forgetting me.
my parent doesn’t have to save their money to pay my student loan so they can live happier, buy a nice car and go anywhere they want, eat in their favorite restaurant every weekend, doesn’t need to hold my dad’s schedule to see the doctor every month. my friends can live freely cause there’s no more me asking for their help or just ask them to share their room for me to sleep. my girlfriend will find another person who is better and put his/her shit together so (s)he won’t be a burden for her life.
commit a suicide is the best answer for some people who don’t survive, they are free now even though people around them were bothered. they live the new life in the new place and people they left are just moving on and forget about the tragedy eventually.
My country, Indonesia, it has a ministry of education and honestly, it ministry seemed like a teenage girl who can change her mind if she wanted to. She doesn’t care what impact that other person had to deal with her decision.
No, we’re not talking about the teenage girls, we’re talking about the system that government had already made for school students. Every country had each curriculum including Indonesia. I believe that each curriculum had been through very long speculation. I trust my government, they only want the best for their citizen. But in this case, I really feel disappointed with them. Not only because my beloved girlfriend had to face their “try out” decision (well, yeah that’s one of my reason why I wrote this), I just feel worried about what kind of ridiculous system they would make later? It’s enough to make every senior student in high school feel stressed cause they have to get great results in every subject they (honestly) don’t want to take because the subject isn’t related to what major they want to take later in college. This curriculum system forced school students to be like a computer that should have an internet connection. They should know things. Math, Bahasa Indonesia, English, Japanese, History, RELIGION (yeah, I’m not kidding about this), Sociology, Geography, Economy, and else. this system forced students (especially high school students) to get great results. Their future education depends on that results. Can you imagine that? I mean, I should have a good result at math even though I have a purpose of studying Literature in college. Oh no, even I’m not really sure if I can continue my study to college cause there is low number in one of the subjects I should pass.
My girlfriend is a senior student in high school. she has no idea what she’s doing with her life right now. She loved to draw things but she can’t focus on what she liked because she has to run the system. I feel bad for her, but what can I say? She’s wanting to continue her study in college and she wants to take English major like me cause it’s the only major she thought she good at it. She can take Arts major, indeed, but she believed that her skill at drawing is not that good. It’s dilemmatic when the school students actually had a great skill in one thing but it should be buried with all criterion that they should be focused cause the system already made for them.
this rant is about my teacher in college.
first of all, she holds one of important course in my major. it’s kind of difficult course and as a student (who already paid the loan) I really wish that she can transfer her knowledge directly and clearly to me. what happened here is she not so professional doing her job. one day she told everyone that she can’t attend the class for the unknown reasons when all of us already come and she “forced” us to come again next day at 6.30 am. it’s fucking 6.30 am in the morning. I wish she just made a joke but she was not joking :(. it was rainy in the next day and it made the rest of student think twice to attend her class because of the weather. one of my friends tried to ask us to come so we don’t have to change the schedule again and he did it. everyone was lazily attending her class and guess what? she was late for almost 45 minutes. FYI we already did negotiate to her that 6.30 was too early to start the class but she still said no. when she came we told her that some students might be late cause it still rains outside. she looked unhappy and she told us that she doesn’t care and for those who would come late were not allowed to come in. this tragedy didn’t happen once. she ever forced the class to met her THREE times a week. cause she had to run her scholarship to Canada. what a brilliant reason, huh? it’s like she didn’t give a shit about the rest of other lecture classes but her own prominence. I feel sad for her, I mean she had an ability to studied abroad. she should have met so many people around the world and I think she should learn about their folkways. how they do socialization, the way her teacher taught her and other students, or anything that she could bring here as a teacher. her attitude is so ancient. she makes me think that studying abroad doesn’t mean can convince you to be an “advanced” people.
I know that we not supposed to have a negative thought about other people around us. my parents taught me that we’re not allowed to judge people from their look. but this time I give up dealing with these people. people who are wearing hijab but they smoke in a public place. come on mbak, it’s disturbing. call me stereotype, I don’t care. you are such a weird people who has an excessive confident which you think it’s cool cause you feel different. poor you.
Mysterious Stranger I Fell in Love With
It was rainy in Jakarta and I was flinging myself into the new album of my favorite singer. I was about to buy some snacks until I saw that girl. She was wearing a high-school uniform and there were so many books in front of her. It was pretty crowded but she kept buckling herself down into the books. Maybe she was a senior student who would be having a final exam, I don’t know. It was raining cats and dogs and she decided to have a seat near me. I didn’t pay attention at all until she did humming one of my favorite songs. I really wanted to say hi but I didn’t have guts to doing that. She had a beautiful face and her skin looked pale. I was wondering whether she in a good condition or not. I kept staring at her even when I tried to not to and it makes me hard to get a grip of myself. I’ve never been in this kind of situation. I wish I could break the ice and started to talk to her. But she already left and here I am carrying a torch for someone I would never see again.
Replying e-mail from Jamie
I can’t wait to come over there! I already bought a ticket and depend on my ticket I will be arriving on next Friday. Anyway, have a picnic in Regent’s Park sounds great. I haven’t been there before so I think it would be fun.
Shopping sounds good but I prefer to watch the match instead. FYI, I’m the biggest fan of Chelsea FC. It will be perfect if I can see my favorite football team playing live. I wish I can enjoy the trip so we can make those plans happen.
About my advice, it’s actually easy to save your money. You only have to make a list what things you want to do or you want to buy. Make a priority in each thing and you have to pick what’s the most important first. Don’t do shopping too much if you don’t really need it.
So you want to buy a tablet? I’ll give you a recommendation what type of tablet for you when I get there. And yes I will bring my tablet, for sure. I brought that thing anywhere.
See you there,
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